Say What?

Here we are!  It’s already week two in our “Yes” online Bible Study.  I love it!  Saying yes to God is definitely a life-changing experience, and something I will need to do over and over because I mess up.  I get lazy.  I get scared.  God knows that about me and He loves me because of it.  It is those times when I am down and out, and feel hopeless…the times when I am at my weakest He is at His strongest in my life.  During those times of desperation and heartache is when He holds me tightest. 

I’ve had many “Say What?” moments with God, but there is one that always sticks out when I think about how important it is to say yes to God no matter what He is telling me to do.  A little over two years ago, my husband and I decided that we were at a point financially where I could start working part time and be home with our daughter more.  Going back to work after she was born was one of the hardest and heart-hurting things I have ever had to do, so imagine my joy when my husband and I came to this decision of me not having to work as much! 

I went to my bosses a few days later, explained the situation, and they said that while they would need to do some figuring and get certain ducks in a row, they felt strongly that they would be able to help me.  About a week later, I was called back into the same office and learned that in fact they were unable to offer me a part time position.  I was told basically that if a part time position in my field didn’t exist presently, they couldn’t make one.  I was stunned, angry, and sad.  I very still in my office, doing everything I could to hold back tears and thinking about a lot of things.  Thousands of questions were traveling around in my head, the first being, why would they give me so much hope when there was none to be had?  I left work that day, called my husband, and proceeded to let my tears flow. 

A few days after that terrible meeting, I still felt strongly about wanting to be at home with my daughter more.  Don’t get me wrong.  I loved my job very much.  It was my true niche and I didn’t really want to do anything else.  But everyone who knows me knows that my family comes well before my career and always has.  My happiness in my career was a sacrifice I was willing to make for my family.  With the feeling of determination braised with some hurt and disappointment, I started a job search for part time work.  I went to websites, I called agencies and businesses, I put bugs in ears, and of course, started looking on the internet to see what was available.  Everywhere I looked was a dead end.  One place was only offering night shifts.  A friend advised me of another place I was looking at, and strongly encouraged me to look elsewhere because employees were known to leave this particular agency on their lunch hour and never come back.  It was like hitting brick wall after brick wall. 

I was driving home one afternoon and I looked up and said “Ok, God!  What do you want from me?  What do you want me to do?  If you didn’t feel it was important to stay at home more with Caroline then you wouldn’t have placed these strong feelings upon my heart.  So where are you?  What do you want from me?”  As clear as day, I heard a voice in my mind and in my heart whisper, just once, “Be still.”  Say What? I was amazed.  I was expecting God to answer me in one of His special ways that would really leave me thinking, but not this time.  He was as clear as clear could be.  “Be still.” 

A few days later, the executive director of our agency, who had been present at the horrific meeting a couple of weeks prior, made a surprise visit to one of our satellite offices where I work once a week.  He appeared to be bummed out. 

“What’s the matter, boss?” I asked him.

“Well, I don’t like the way our meeting went a couple of weeks ago.”

I semi-chuckled and said,” Well, I really didn’t like the way it went either, but what it is what it is, I suppose.”

“I know that I made you feel like something was a possibility when it wasn’t, and I know I let you down.  I’m sorry.”

Say What?  How many times in my life has an executive of any kind apologized for making false promises?  I was a little taken back, but I told him that I appreciated his apology of how the situation ended up.  He then proceeded to tell me that while he knew I needed to do what was best for my family, he wanted me to hang on for just a little bit to see how things would unfold.  If after that time, I still felt the need to go elsewhere, he would not stand in my way.  Once again, I was whoa’d.  I thought about it briefly and looking straight into his eyes responded,

“I love this job.  I am good at this job.  I really don’t want to leave, so I will hang on for a little while.  But I do not expect to be strung along.”  He agreed, and that was that. 

This conversation, to me, was just another way that God was telling me to be still.  My big boss, traveling almost an hour to have this particular conversation with me was God telling me again, “Be still.”  So I did.  I remained still for about eight months until a position became available and I grabbed it with both hands and never let go.  I’m now working in a job that I love with people that I love, and most importantly, I get to be at home with my daughter more days than I work.  I said yes to God and received one of the greatest blessings I will ever receive.  It took a while for this blessing to be in full swing, but it was a learning experience that only God could teach me.  I learned the importance of waiting on God’s plan for my life instead of jumping ahead with my own.  I learned how that patience for His plan reveals blessings I would’ve never known otherwise.  Just think if I would’ve jumped the gun ahead of God and taken a night job.  What blessings I would have missed!  No matter what the situation, God’s got this.  He has us in the palm of His hand and He is not going to let us go. 

As for now, I must go and get ready for the job that I love so that I may stay home tomorrow with the child I love even more.  God bless!